Repair Emotional Disconnection

Is your family struggling with emotional disconnection, tension, and irritability? Is it difficult to get the family talking to one another? It is likely that family screen use is one of the main obstacles. Consider these solutions to clear the channels for family reconnection.

The following advice is best practiced first by parents for at least two weeks and then by your children. There are four key zones in which screen use should be limited or eliminated in order to set an example for your family. This is called the 4T Challenge. The 4T’s stand for Talking, Table, Traffic, and Toilet. Work to decrease your use of your phone when your family is Talking with you face-to-face, when sitting at the dinner Table together, or lying by your bedside Table, when driving in Traffic, and when using or near the Toilet.

Only 20% of families report having screen free meals (3). Families who dine together at least 3x per week, screen free, report lower stress levels, stronger relationships, and less addictive and disruptive behavior (4).  Enjoying TV while dining is a common habit. If this is the case for your family, consider weaning away by taking just one meal per week screen free. Prepare your family in advance letting them know you want to pay more attention to them during the meal. Brace yourself to persevere through their resistance.

60% of adults report sleeping with their phones (1). The blue light emitted by the phone disrupts the circadian rhythm. When sleep is chronically interrupted or shortened over time it can have significant impact on mood, anxiety, and depression. Women indicate that they feel anxious and disconnected when their partner uses a screen in bed, particularly if they have ever experienced a breach in sexual integrity in any relationship. Consider completing your final scroll session before getting into bed. Then plug your phone in across the room. Wait to check it until after you have risen the following morning.

27% of Americans admit to using their phone while driving (1). You would caution your children not to use their phone while driving but what example are you setting? This is a tough zone for me to eliminate screen use, especially when I am in my car alone. Using GPS to navigate (hands free) is an acceptable exception.

75% of Americans use their phone in the bathroom (1). The temptation to misuse a phone while in the bathroom may be elevated due to the privacy, isolation, and state of undress. Approximately 1 in 5 adolescents has sent a sexual, nude, or partially nude image (6). This behavior is more likely to occur in a dark private bedroom at night or behind a locked door in the bathroom. We can decrease that likelihood by setting a standard of screens being kept out of bedtime and out of the bathroom.

Would you give up or limit your use of your screens in these 4T areas in order to better protect your family and your relationships?

For more help and guidance on how to apply these simple to understand but difficult to implement principles take a look at our book, Understanding and Loving Your Child in a Screen Saturated World, available at https://amzn.to/47NMyGg

References

1. Kerai, A. (2023) Cell Phone Usage Statistics. Mornings are for Notifications. https://www.reviews.org/mobile/cell-phone-addiction/

2. Bureau of Labor Statistics. (2022). American Time Use Survey 2022. https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/atus.pdf

3. Vodafone. (2021). Digital Downtime: Research Reveals Only One-in-Five Families Have a Daily Screen-Free Dinnertime. https://www.vodafone.co.uk/newscentre/press-r,elease/digital-downtime-research-dinnertime-skill/

4. CASA Columbia. (2012). The Importance of Family Dinners VIII. https://www.fmi.org/docs/default-source/familymeals/2012924familydinnersviii.pdf?sfvrsn=967c676e_2

5. Doran, Kirk & Price, Joseph. (2014). Pornography and Marriage. Journal of Family and Economic Issues. 35. 489-498. 10.1007/s10834-014-9391-6.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/272008068_Pornography_and_Marriage/citation/downloadC

6. Handschuh, C., La Cross, A., & Smaldone, A. (2019). Is Sexting Associated with Sexual Behaviors During Adolescence? A Systematic Literature Review and Meta-Analysis. Journal of midwifery & women's health, 64(1), 88–97. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmwh.12923