Mom, can I have a cell phone?
Can I have a cell phone? What a tricky question for parents to answer in a culture that pressures us to provide our children with their own smartphone. My 11-year-old claims that only one other child in his group of friends doesn’t own a phone. In developed countries approximately 4 in 5 children own a digital device. This personal ownership starts as early as four years old for some (1). Our son has asked for a phone to stay in touch with his friends who primarily communicate by text. Given that he is generally respectful and obedient we are willing to let him have access to a phone for a trial period. We want to reward his good behavior and increase his interaction with his friends outside of school. We also want to use this as a chance to develop and demonstrate self-control.
My husband and I have discussed our response at length. We do not want our decision to be dictated by pressure from our son or society. We are willing to do a trial run with a parent owned, parent managed cell phone that our three children can use and share. It is very difficult to take away a child’s ownership when he has been allowed to believe that he owns his phone and has a right to use it as he sees fit. So, we although we are willing to allow him to use a cell phone, it will not belong to him.
We will use a Pinwheel phone – it looks like a smartphone but lacks internet and social media access. It allows calls, texts, and limited pre-approved apps. All contacts must be parentally approved to be accessed in the phone. We will use a prepaid monthly service, Mint. This makes it easier to disconnect if our trial needs to end. Our expectations for our children to earn this privilege include:
1. General respect, gratitude, and obedience
2. A’s and B’s at school
3. Regular chore completion
4. The phone is to be used only within our family’s 1.5 hours of digital entertainment time and falls under our family screen agreement just like any other device. This includes using it only in common areas rather than in their bedrooms.
5. Our children can lose access at any time depending on obedience to these expectations.
We previously activated a Pinwheel phone about two years ago. I wanted to experiment with it. We all enjoyed it and the kids’ communication with extended family significantly increased. The available apps were enriching and entertaining. We decided to end the experiment because the phone no longer fit in our budget. We were working to eliminate debt and so we paused unnecessary expenses. A family cell phone for our kids was an enjoyable but unnecessary expense.
At this time, with our son’s request, we are ready to try again.
How do you react to our requirements? Do they seem overly strict? Would you adopt any of these requirements for your family?
Reference
1. https://www.gie.unsw.edu.au/growing-digital-australia-phase-2-results
For more tips and strategies, check out our book, Understanding and Loving Your Child in a Screen Saturated World written with Steve Arterburn.
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