Phubbing What is it and what can be done about it?
You were excitedly telling your family member about the highlight of your day when you realized she was lost in her screen the entire time you were talking. You let your guard down and disclosed a painful interaction you experienced only to find that your spouse was too busy scrolling to register your words. You’ve told your children 5 times to pick up their shoes but their distracted, “in a minute, mom,” turns into 10 more minutes of gaming.
This distressing, aggravating, and sometimes maddening interaction is known as phubbing - or phone snubbing. It means that the screen is receiving the attention of your “listener” instead of you. If this chronically occurs over time, it causes harm to the relationship.
Emotional attachment is built through time and attention given and received regularly between two people, ideally including plenty of eye contact. But screens are sucking up more and more of that vital connection. Granted, screen use often involves interacting with someone who is not physically present. But, when screen use regularly interferes with the ability to engage with the person in front of you, it can become quite detrimental to the relationship.
There are several steps we can take to decrease phubbing. It starts with God’s secret weapon - humility.
Self-Evaluation: Am I guilty of multi-tasking on screen while trying to listen to my family members? Probably.
Confession of Guilt: Being the first to apologize builds a bridge back to those from whom we’ve been disconnected and distracted. And it models what we hope to see from our loved ones. “I realize that I am sometimes distracted with my device when you are talking to me. I want to work on being better at giving you my attention.
Request Feedback: “How does it affect you when you cannot get my full attention?” Listen without defending or justifying yourself.
Invite: Ask if your family would support you in working on limiting phubbing and invite them to join you in the challenge.
For more practical tips take a look at our book, Understanding and Loving Your Child in a Screen Saturated World, written with Steve Arterburn. https://amzn.to/3O10Vy7
