Chaos: Where Our Best Parenting Can Occur
Chaotic interruptions can drive us bonkers. But life is frequently tumultuous. So, let’s consider how we can model for our children how to handle the inevitable. Recently, we had three urgent medical situations necessitating hospital visits and extensive treatment. Simultaneously, I was called in for full time jury duty spanning two weeks! Our list pales in comparison to what some of you experience. How can we parent well when we are spread too thin and more is being asked of us than we are capable of giving? We have so little control over our circumstances. But we can gain control over our reactions and our coping methods and show our children how to handle the stress and curveballs of life. I propose the following:
Five Steps in Chaos
Accept and admit lack of control, limitations, and messy emotions.
Choose to invite God in and trust Him.
Request comfort and assistance.
Expect blessings and growth.
Prepare for future chaos.
It has been startling to have three family members seriously injured and lose almost 2 weeks of work. Many of you have suffered this before and for longer stretches - the pandemic, job loss, chronic illness. Having control is more important to me than I care to admit. Rigid habits and routines help me manage my anxiety. My routines were demolished during our turmoil.
In dealing with our challenges, I have felt worried, frustrated, unfairly burdened, and out of control. I am tempted both to pretend I’m tough and fine, and to leak my frustrations and fear out on my family. Admitting those feelings to my safe people (over and over) helps me to better manage the feelings and related temptations.
Reviewing Biblical promises calms and prompts me to strive to trust God. He says He can work all these difficult things for the good if I maintain my belief in Him (Romans 8:28). One morning I asked Him to speak to me directly in my Bible reading. The next words were Isaiah 41:9-10, “do not fear or be dismayed for I am with you and I will help you.” Have you ever asked Him to speak to you and then received an answer? I was floored and bolstered.
Although God’s Word encourages me, I still need human comfort as well. Do you have a few trustworthy people to whom you can turn? Long-term participation in a small group is the most effective way to find and build those connections. Disclosing to supportive understanding people is the most efficacious antidote to overwhelming emotions. It is a long-term solution, not a quick fix. I leaned more heavily on my spiritual sisterhood (built over several years), my husband and children for moral support, help with food, and taking over my chores. I don’t receive help well - wanting to do it all myself. But spiritual and biological family are meant to be sources of reciprocal help. Parents, do you ever admit to your family that you are feeling overwhelmed and could use more of their physical affection, assistance, and prayer support? A hug and a “God help mama” from my children lifts my spirits more than almost anything else.
The Bible teaches that we can choose gratitude and even joy during suffering by allowing space for grace. The process can produce endurance, character growth, and hope (Romans 5:35). The natural worldly reaction is — why me? The believers reaction can be — how are You blessing us through this? Our tough month appears to be producing an uptick of trust in His provision, frustration tolerance, gratitude, curiosity, and an increased willingness to serve.
Suffering can be chronic, but it tends to cycle through seasons. If you are currently in a season of a little peace I challenge you to prepare for the next season of struggle by: practicing small confessions of your limitations and emotions, learning God’s Biblical promises, investing in reciprocal relationships, looking for God’s blessings, and savoring the peace while it lasts.
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If you do not have trustworthy community, consider trying one of my groups:
Parenting Group: Next meeting on Saturday October 5th at 8am PST. Space is limited. For more information and to reserve your seat: https://forms.gle/w6HHVrJFKhYocC7P6
Women’s Life Group: Next meeting on Wednesday September 25th at 5:15pm PST. Space is limited. For more information and to reserve your seat: https://forms.gle/3WZuAxdeX2N9XTch8
Young Women’s Life Group: Next meeting on Wednesday September 25th at 5:!5pm PST. Space is limited. For more information and to reserve your seat:
Watch my messy real life teaching video below to see me request support from my child.
Video: https://youtu.be/B3-3l5KLdJk
