Open Letter to A Sometimes Sullen Child

Jul 25

Dear Child,

I love you with all my heart. You bring joy to our family with your sense of humor. You inspire me - motivating me to face my fear of the ocean by learning to surf with you. You are a patient teacher.

Thank you for allowing me to speak to you about your tendency to see and speak the negative and to push back against my requests. You have come a long way in being less critical of us, your siblings in particular. You have the God given skill of courage to share contrary opinions. I lack that courage. As a people pleaser and an avoider, my fear has muted me. I have struggled to assert myself and express an opposing opinion. It is your challenge to learn how and when to use your courage for good. Sometimes our feelings are hurt when you speak too harshly or share your negative opinion too often. My heart hurts from your words and I need to temporarily withdraw from you at those times. Your siblings and I can be hesitant to share our thoughts and feelings, apprehensive about being stung. I am proud and grateful that you have been open to my feedback and you are working to change this pattern.

May I have your permission to gently point out when I believe you are criticizing us too harshly, too frequently? May I help you hone your ability so that you can use it to fight evil and defend others who cannot defend themselves? To help you grow in this area, I will separate you from us or restrict privileges if you are too negative with us and can’t or won’t stop yourself. Would you summarize back what I just said so I know you understand? May I pray for you for God’s grace and discernment?

Father God, thank You for equipping my child with talents and gifts. Please give us parents supernatural wisdom to balance out grace, truth, love, and discipline. We lift our child up to You asking that You would guide us in training him up in the way he should go. Help him to put away all bitterness, anger, clamor, slander and malice (Ephesians 4:31). We ask that in Jesus’ name.

Will you now pray for me to become a better mom to you? I also welcome respectful feedback from you if I am doing something that is bothering you.

Love,

Maz

Five Steps To Address Children’s Shortcomings

Acknowledge your child’s strengths with praise and gratitude.
Admit one of your own shortcomings.
Ask permission to give brief feedback and allow your child to give you feedback (if done respectfully).
Request change (if necessary consider rewards and consequences to motivate the change).
Request supernatural intervention.

What shortcomings need to be addressed in your family (starting with yourself)? Please share your thoughts and reactions.

If you need further support to implement these steps, consider trying one of my groups: