How to Increase Self-Control
Self-control is one of the central virtues necessary for character development in our children. If we parents are worried about excessive or addictive use of screens, substance use, premarital sex, and pornography then there is one technique that can make a big difference in self-control. This one parental strategy has a high long-term correlation with children developing self-regulation which leads to greater success in the most significant areas of life (1).
My children have inherited a family legacy of limited self-control. When they are on screen and I have to walk out of the room, I worry about the choices they will make. I know that my bad habits, ugly mistakes, and those of the previous generations leave them vulnerable to repeat our errors. I continue to battle unhealthy habits with my own time spent onscreen even with a high internal motivation. So, I know they will struggle, particularly when outside of parental monitoring. There is a history of alcoholism in my family. There was a period of several years during which I couldn’t limit my alcohol use sufficiently. There is a biological setup in my children’s blood stream that makes them more vulnerable to alcohol abuse. There have been instances of infidelity in our family line and emotional infidelity on my own part. I have accessed pornography. Anxiety may be my lifelong thorn in the side. So my children must fight through their spiritual and biological inheritance as well as my own failures in parental modeling. What does this bring to mind regarding your own children and their spiritual and biological inheritance?
The technique that works for children, also helps us adults to clean up these areas of our lives. In fact, it gives us access to a supernatural power that helps us to overcome shortcomings that we do not have the ability to fully change on our own. I began to practice this self-control program when I was pregnant with my oldest, Henry. Since that time, this habit has helped me to maintain total abstinence from alcohol for the past four years. It broke the power of unhealthy temptation in my life regarding emotional infidelity. It has been a major factor in decreasing my anxiety. I cannot take much credit for these changes because for years my attempts were largely unsuccessful. I want my children and yours to have access to this same supernatural power to prevent and/or break the chains of addiction.
If your children are also up against a number of obstacles, leaving them more vulnerable to addictive behavior, please consider joining me for live help. I host a free hour long Zoom training and discussion group once per month for parents who want to prevent and treat addictive tendencies in their families. Reserve your seat by signing up below for our next group on Saturday October 5th at 8am PST. Space is limited. Sign up form: https://forms.gle/w6HHVrJFKhYocC7P6
Watch my teaching video below to learn the simple parenting technique that increases self-control. Video: https://youtu.be/N3deYVK9kDc
Reference:
Arnie Cole and Pamela Ovwigho, “Understanding the Bible Engagement Challenge: Scientific Evidence for the Power of 4,” Center for Bible Engagement, Lincoln, Back to the Bible, 2009, https://bttbfiles.com/web/docs/cbe/Scientific_Evidence_for_the_Power_of_4.pdf
