How Can We Teach Our Children God’s Standards for Sexuality?
With humility. The Bible’s stance on sexuality is difficult to accept and follow, particularly in today’s culture that almost requires tolerance and endorsement of most forms of sexuality. The previous blog gave steps to take to receive a child’s initial announcement of an LGBTQ+ status with love. As Christian parents, loving our children includes informing them of what the Bible says regarding God’s guidelines for us. There are behaviors we engage in and desires we have that God frankly says He hates including: haughty eyes, lies, the shedding of innocent blood, wicked schemes, rushing into evil, bearing false witness, and stirring up conflict (Proverbs 6:16-19). I am a recovering liar. I am still tempted to lie to hide mistakes. God hates my lying behavior because it is a path toward destruction. The things He abhors are those that will be harmful to us over time. He loves me and forgives me, if I confess. He hates that I still lie because He wants better for me. He wants me to believe that following His way will always serve me better even when it is contrary to my inclinations.
God seems to believe that premarital sex, extramarital sex, homosexual sex, and crossdressing are additional behaviors or propensities that are not in our best interest long-term (Leviticus 20:10, Exodus 20:14, Deuteronomy 22:5). We have many wants and desires that go outside of the guardrails He sets for us through the Bible. We are warned that our hearts cannot be trusted (Jeremiah 17:9). Just because we are attracted to something or someone does not mean that it is good for us. Growing in character involves gaining control over our desires and deciding which desires are good to indulge and which must be quelched or delayed.
Jesus did not condemn the adulterous woman. But He did encourage her to realign her behavior with God’s standard. He accepted her with kindness and loved her in his actions. And he corrected her, gently and briefly. He warned those who were judging her that they should look to their own sins (John 8:1-11).
As parents, we must continuously work on aligning our behavior with God’s standards first and foremost. I have to keep confessing my lying tendency. I had to stop watching pornography and reading sexy romance novels. I had to stop talking with ex-boyfriends as a married woman. I will always have sins to clean up. God hates my sins because they will unleash decay in my life. It is good for our children to know about our failures (at an age-appropriate level). And then we must teach our children God’s standards so that they can decide whether or not to live by them and be protected by them. We can require certain behavior while they live with us and depend on us. For instance, “We do not allow sexual activity or sleepovers with an unmarried romantic partner in our home.” “I cannot morally or financially support you pursuing cross dressing or a sex change operation as a minor child.” We cannot force heart or mind compliance and I believe it is detrimental to try to do so. And God does not ask us to do so as parents nor does He do it to us.
So, if our children announce that they are LGBTQ+, we should respond with love keeping in mind the many times we have been attracted to something or someone outside of God’s will for us. Let’s strive for gentle curiosity and avoid swift, self-righteous judgmentalism. Let’s inform them that God calls all of us to restrain our sexual desires until we are married to a member of the opposite sex, and that He asks us to accept and live out our biological sex. His ways are difficult to achieve and none of us do it perfectly. When you want to harshly correct another, check your own sin account first. Every back story I have had the privilege to hear from someone in the LGBTQ+ community tells me that immense pain and rejection have impacted their current approach to life. Listening to their suffering I have wondered, how would I have handled the anguish they have endured?
Lord, this topic and Your way are so difficult. Please help us all to love well, teach truth, and bring glory to Your name.
