How Should a Christian Parent Respond to a Child’s LGBTQ Status?
With love. But it is difficult to know how to love well when your child is choosing a lifestyle with which you may not agree. And it is difficult to know how much opposing truth to give as that risks destroying the relationship and adding to the emotional distress for both of you. If your child has begun to speak about or display LGBTQ characteristics, you may be feeling a mix of confusing, overwhelming emotions. You might be considering taking a strong approach to sharing your disagreement in the hopes of realigning your child with your belief system. Perhaps you feel frozen and uncertain how or if you should respond.
There is some research that warns parents that rejecting their LGBTQ child could increase the child’s risk for suicide (1). Children who experience acceptance from their parents are reportedly 40% less likely to attempt suicide. One study purports that parents who attempt to force their child to change increase the likelihood of a suicide attempt (2). Those warnings should lead to great caution and thoughtfulness in how we parents respond to our children. Dr. Preston Sprinkle is a trusted Christian leader with years of experience working with families facing this situation. He points out the highly rejecting reactions parents should avoid including:
Shaming
Reacting with obvious fear, anger, and disgust.
Preventing the child from learning about LGBTQ support.
Preventing the child from attending family events because of their status.
Reacting with verbal or physical mistreatment or abuse.
Forcing the child to change through mandated conversion therapy.
So, how do we balance out God urging us to train our children up in the ways of the Lord (Proverbs 22:6) and our Biblical mandate that we are to warn those who are going astray from God’s way (Ezekiel 3:18). If we do not say anything about God’s way, we will be held responsible by Him for our silence. How can we give our children an opposing truth without increasing their risk of suicide? We can tell our children:
I will always love you. You are my child no matter what. Thank you for the courage to share this with me.
It will take me some time to process what you have told me and I might have strong emotions about it at times.
You know that I believe God asks us not to engage in sexual behavior outside of marriage. You know I have been imperfect in this area myself. I hope you know that God loves you no matter what. I hope you and I will both continue to seek God’s will for our lives.
I would like to hear about the thoughts, feelings, and experiences that have led you to this point so I can better understand.
Lead with love and humility. Speak opposing truth briefly. I don’t recommend repeating your disagreement multiple times. Hold to the hope that your child cared enough about having relationship with you to reveal this. Remember that you are imperfect and you also regularly fall short of God’s best for you. Having same sex attraction or feeling like one is the opposite sex is not in and of itself a sin nor is it disobedience to God. Engaging in extramarital or premarital sexual behavior is outside of God’s guidelines for all of us. And most of us have fallen short of that standard. A loving parent-child relationship that includes mutual humility, seeking to understand one another, and brief reminders of God’s guidelines makes for the most likely path of grace that will take us back to Him over time.
Parents, consider entering a parenting support group where you can bring your questions, grief, anger, and confusion. Saddleback Church offers just such a group: https://saddleback.com/connect/ministry/lead-with-love-parents-of-lgbtq-children
Please comment below and share with other families who could use this information.
Green, A.E., Price, M.N., & Dorison, S.H. (2021). Cumulative minority stress and suicide risk among LGBTQ youth. American journal of community psychology.
Ryan, C., Huebner, D., Diaz, R. M., & Sanchez, J. (2009). Family rejection as a predictor of negative health outcomes in white and Latino lesbian, gay, and bisexual young adults. Pediatrics, 123(1), 346-352. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/facts-about-lgbtq-youth-suicide/
Sprinkle, P. (2019). Is a Traditional Theology of Marriage Intrinsically Harmful Toward LGBTQ People? Part 2. https://www.centerforfaith.com/blog/is-a-traditional-theology-of-marriage-intrinsically-harmful-toward-lgbtq-people-part-2
