Do You and Your Family Need Recovery?
It depends. If you want your children to grow into people of humble, generous character then entering into your own growth process, or Recovery, is one of the most effective ways to get and keep your family on track. Leading by example.
Recovery refers to a structured method of restoration from a state of disorder into one of order. It has generally been applied to healing from addiction. Recovery has led many to victory over pornography, sexual immorality, drug and alcohol addiction, broken family relationships, anxiety, depression, and even suicidal and homicidal urges. It is probably obvious that people around you need to improve. But are you aware that you need it too? As I completed my doctorate in psychology I was convinced I had my life together and so God was sending me out to help all those broken people. Thankfully, He quickly began to show me how very wrong I was and how in need I am of recovery myself. For those of us who have grown up in Christian homes and in church it is easy to have blind spots about our own shortcomings especially if we have generally been rule followers.
Even if you have never participated in addictive behavior or some of the more devastating mistakes humans make, you have definitely sinned and so have I. Sin, even minor sin, breaks and poisons us and our relationships over time. Recovery heals us. We all need it. Parents who are willing to openly work their recovery make it safer for their children to be imperfect beings in the sanctification process.
Here is a summary of some of the Steps of Recovery applied directly to my own true mess:
Recognition of Brokenness: I admit that I struggle with anxiety, lying, and avoidance.
Acceptance: I am part of the problem not just a victim of others’ mistreatment.
Admission of Inadequacy: I cannot fix this on my own, I need God and other people.
Inventory of Mistakes: I engage in a life review and identify where I have gone wrong. I have hurt my loved ones, lied, watched pornography, and engaged in emotional infidelity.
Confession: I share that ugly, embarrassing list with trustworthy companions who will love and accept me while calling me up into sanctification.
Amends: I work to rectify my wrongs where possible. I apologize to those I have hurt. I work to improve my attitude and behavior.
Ongoing Self-Evaluation: I continue to complete frequent moral inventories, repeating steps 4-6 for the rest of my life.
Share: I pass the process on through my testimony.
Following these steps, which are really the core of Christian living, results in freedom, cleansing from shame, reconciliation in relationship and peace. If you want better for your family than the destruction unchecked sin causes, enter into the process of Recovery. Model first for your family and then ask them to participate with you.
In our book, Understanding and Loving Your Child in a Screen Saturated World, Steve Arterburn and I outline a family introduction to Recovery that you can use with your spouse and children. In my parenting group, we practice living out Recovery in community. Message me if you could use the assistance of our community.
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