Unfinished Business
Painful experiences that are not properly grieved and which we attempt to forget and push down remain festering under the surface. We may be able to ignore, overlook, and largely remain unaware of these old emotional wounds on a day to day basis for years and even decades. But our mind does not forget and the emotions connected to the memory simmer under the surface and at times bubble over. We are actually designed to remain conscious of our unfinished business. A researcher, Bluma Zeigarnik, studied this cognitive phenomenon in the late 1920’s and found that we have strong recall of an incomplete task. It appears that our minds are designed to remain aware of the things we have not yet completed. This includes harm done to us that has not been resolved and guilt we carry over our own mistakes that we have not adequately addressed.
God originally designed us to be naked, unashamed, and inter-dependent. Sin, embarrassment, and shame drive us to cover up, hide, lie, isolate, and only reveal that which is admirable in us. It takes immense energy to keep up our false pretenses and to repress our ugly internal reality. What a vicious, deceptive, wearisome, and lonely cycle. God’s answer to the problem is being truly known and loved by trustworthy companions through confession.
Trustworthy companions are those who share a belief in the need for grace and the Redeemer. They are willing to let down their guard and share their mistakes with us. They accept us as we are but don’t let us stay as we are. They call us up into a better version of ourselves with truth and grace (Ephesians 4:15).
Our creator made us to love Him and be in close relationship with Him-trusting and obeying what He says is good for us. When we stray from His way, we might have fun for a little while, but we quickly begin to experience many different forms of decay. As a psychologist, I have found that many of the problems for which people seek my services, are a result of family sin patterns that can be healed by returning to God’s way. The results of straying from God’s way and interacting with other sinners are anxiety, depression, addiction, infidelity, deception, discord, divorce, abandonment, sexual immorality, broken families, suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts, paranoia, persecutory command hallucinations, and eventually death. God’s solution involves, believing in His Son and through relationship with trustworthy companions accepting His help and grace, confessing sins, forgiving offenses, making peace, and protecting harmony.
