Don’t Give Up on Parental Screen Management
Dear Tired Parents,
Don’t Give Up! Many of us feel powerless and hopeless to alter our children’s screen use. It seems an impossible task particularly if children own their device or multiple devices and have been able to use screens as they see fit for some time now. It seems an unbreakable pattern. Parents express that they have given up because attempting to moderate screen use results in so much conflict. It’s already too late. And there is no way teenagers are going to loosen their grip on their devices (1).
I have a bit of hope to share with you. Both the research and my personal experience in working with teens as a psychologist, informs me that many teens are willing to admit they know their digital use is excessive (2). They also report that they wish their parents would intervene because the teens themselves cannot decrease their digital time on their own (1). Teens report that their parents should hold firm in their expectations! They will admittedly fight back, but they know they need their parents’ help. Teens have told me directly, “I don’t want my mom to take my phone away at night, but I know I cannot turn it off on my own. I wish she would stay stronger with me.”
Children feel safer when their parents hold a firm, protective structure. Kids naturally rebel against it and try to find a way around it, but they also need and even want that structure. It is a confusing, intimidating mixed message for us parents to interpret. My child may be screaming at me that I’m a horrible mother for stealing her phone, but she wants me to take it? Yes, that is correct.
Do not grow weary of doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up (Galatians 6:9). All discipline is unpleasant but it produces a harvest of righteousness for those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:11).
Parenting is such a wearisome, mostly thankless task for many years. It sure makes sense to throw in the towel when it comes to screens. The war has already been lost, why continue fighting? But if your child is still relying on you for a roof and electricity, there is still time, influence, and leverage to be able to have a positive effect. We parents are continually called to fight the good fight even if all evidence points to failure and an angry, rebellious teen. It is our calling to continue to work to influence our children with the hope and the God-given promise that our work will not be in vain. Studies show that the most effective parenting approach is to maintain high expectations with great warmth and love.
If you want more information and support to reenter the fray, join Steve Arterburn and me for a free webinar on Tuesday, August 1st at 9am PT/11am CT. The webinar will be available for viewing after the live event. You can register at: https://store.newlife.com/category/webinars/parenting-webinar
We will be giving you a sneak peek of our new book, Understanding and Loving Your Child in a Screen Saturated World, which will be available on August 1st. It can be preordered at:
References:
Hattersley, L. A., Shrewsbury, V. A., King, L. A., Howlett, S. A., Hardy, L. L., & Baur, L. A. (2009). Adolescent-parent interactions and attitudes around screen time and sugary drink consumption: a qualitative study. The international journal of behavioral nutrition and physical activity, 6, 61. https://doi.org/10.1186/1479-5868-6-61
Minges, K. E., Owen, N., Salmon, J., Chao, A., Dunstan, D. W., & Whittemore, R. (2015). Reducing youth screen time: qualitative metasynthesis of findings on barriers and facilitators. Health psychology : official journal of the Division of Health Psychology, American Psychological Association, 34(4), 381–397. https://doi.org/10.1037/hea0000172
